SELF ESTEEM

Introduction

This is a concept that has been abused and misconstrued. A prime example is the many media messages that are designed to make us feel lacking. The inherent greed of companies that want to sell their products usually start by making one feel bad about oneself, often by introducing a “problem” with the body that may never have been noticed otherwise. Barack Obama former President of the United States seized on the positive aspect of this concept by his well-known slogan of “YES WE CAN.” As an African American, he had an incredible level of self-esteem. People with this type of self-esteem accept and value themselves. He had the audacity to believe he could become the president of a nation that had historically denigrated the black person. He did.

My take

I can recollect my high school, been in the old “form three” and attending the Junior and Literary Dance. There were six of us, my peers, who use to always “hang out.” Between us during events like this, we use to boast as to who could ask the opposite gender to dance. Now, today, I see this as a self-esteem issue. Does one have the courage to get up from the comfort zone of your friends and walk across the hall to ask this beautiful girl to dance and if successful ask if she could be your girlfriend? Getting up in itself took courage and woe betides you, if you are turned down. Success however raised one’s duel with esteem and you are worshipped by your peers. Approaching the opposite gender had to do with confidence and to be comfortable with a possible rejection. This was the genesis of my self-esteem issues and today we still joke about this pivotal time in our lives.

But, what exactly is self-esteem?

Self-esteem in itself is used to describe a person's overall sense of self-worth or personal value. In other words, how much you appreciate and like yourself. Psychologists see it as a personality trait, which tends to be stable and enduring. American psychologist Abraham Maslow included self-esteem in his hierarchy of human needs. He described two different forms of "esteem"(a) the need for respect from others in the form of recognition, success, and admiration, and (b) the need for self-respect in the form of self-love, self-confidence, skill, or aptitude. Self-esteem is confidence in one's own worth, abilities or self-respect. This is made up of the thoughts, feelings, and opinions we have about ourselves. That means it is not fixed. It can however change, depending on the way we think. Over time, habits of negative thinking about ourselves can lower self-esteem. Possessing little self-regard is a road map to become depressed, to fall short of their potential, or to tolerate abusive situations and relationships. Too much self-love, on the other hand, results in an off-putting sense of entitlement and an inability to learn from failures. Sometimes, people don't even realize that they're thinking so negatively about themselves. But once aware of it, the way one thinks is up to the person and one can begin to change the thinking process. And changing the way one thinks about oneself changes the way one feels. Finally, it is okay to be different, good to be different, and that we should caution ourselves before we pass judgment on someone who looks different, behaves different, talks different, or is a different color.

Contributory Factors

The factors that contribute to low self-confidence combine and interact differently for each person.  Genes, cultural background, childhood experiences, and other life circumstances all play a role. Life experiences in itself is significant in that it creates individual perceptions which can lead to feelings of exhilaration or worthless. Following are examples…. Trauma: Physical, sexual, and emotional abuse can all significantly affect our feelings of self-worth. Parenting style: The way we were treated in our family of origin can affect us long after childhood. For instance, if you had a parent who constantly belittles one, compares one to others, or continually tells one NFA (No Future Ambition) or dullard, you likely carry those messages with you today. If this parent is an alcoholic, or/and a substance abuser can also change one’s relationship with the world. Bullying, harassment and humiliation: Childhood bullying can negate one’s your confidence especially when it comes to looks, intellectual and athletic abilities. Humiliating experiences in adulthood, including workplace harassment or a peer group that disrespects, can also make one less willing to speak up or pursue ambitious goals.

Common Characteristics of People with High Self-Esteem

To have confidence and believing in oneself.

Understanding who one is and the ability to problem solved.

The need to understand the need for effective communication skills.

Having an inner motivation to succeed.

To be comfortable with change.

Enjoy healthy relationships.

Be goal-oriented.

Ability to laugh at one self.